About
Hey, I'm Nardia.
I'm not a therapist. I'm someone who spent a long time being the problem in a house that needed one.
I grew up learning the rules nobody said out loud. Read the room. Don't make it worse. Be useful and you get to stay.
I got very good at all of it, and I thought that was just my personality. It wasn't. It was training.
These days I make videos about how that training works, and I coach people one to one on undoing it.
Why I know any of this
I've rebuilt from rock bottom more than once. I've lost people. I've walked away from things I was supposed to keep putting up with.
I'm not writing this from the other side of it with everything sorted. I'm writing it from somewhere further along the same road, which is a different thing and a more useful one.
Somewhere in there I noticed I was good at seeing the shape of things. Patterns, systems, the mechanism underneath the mess. I spent a decade doing that professionally with other people's finances. Turns out it works the same way on families.
I've since gone and got certified in life coaching, applied neuroscience and positive psychology, mostly because I wanted to know whether what I'd worked out the hard way held up. Some of it did. Some of it didn't, and that was worth knowing too.
I'm in Western Sydney at the foot of the Blue Mountains. Sole parent, three kids, and a black Lab called Bentley who is a menace.
None of this is theoretical for me either.
Who this is for
You're the one who notices.
The one who manages everyone else's mood before your own, who can tell from a text message how the next four hours are going to go.
Maybe you were the one everything got pinned on at home. Maybe you're the one who goes quiet when things get close, and you've watched it cost you something. Maybe you're doing fine on paper and can't work out why it doesn't feel like it.
You've probably read a fair bit already. You know the words. And knowing hasn't shifted anything, which is the frustrating part nobody warns you about.
That isn't you being slow at this. Understanding a rule and being free of it are two separate jobs, and nobody tells you the second one exists.
What I actually do
One to one coaching. An hour a week, for six weeks, on one thing.
How the coaching works →Not a general life review. We pick the pattern costing you the most right now and work on that one until it moves. Usually it starts in the family, because that's where the training happened, and then it turns up at work and in your relationship wearing a different outfit.
I said up top I'm not a therapist. Here's what that means in practice. I don't treat mental illness, and if what you're carrying needs clinical care I'll say so and help you work out where to take it.
What I do sits somewhere else. Not what happened to you and why. What you actually do on a Tuesday, and what would have to change for Tuesday to go differently.
Why I do it this way
You weren't born like this. You were trained. And training can be undone.
Because being told what's wrong with you is not the same as being handed something to do about it, and most of what's out there stops at the first part.
I'm not interested in telling you that you're broken and then charging you to hear it again in more detail. I'm interested in the mechanism. Where a rule came from, who benefited from you following it, and what actually changes if you stop.
Where to go next
What's here
Four ways in, in the order most people use them. Start wherever you are.
01
The videos
Weekly, on YouTube. Calm, blunt, no toxic positivity. The bits nobody says out loud.
02
The articles
The same thinking, written down, for when you'd rather read than watch.
03
The free course
The Wheel of Life. Ten areas of your life scored honestly, and one thing to work on. About twenty five minutes with a pen. Free, and it stays free.
04
The coaching
An hour a week for six weeks, on one thing. It starts with a free twenty minute call.
You didn't pick the training. You're the only one who can undo it.
You're allowed to want it to stop before you've got a complete explanation for why it started.
Twenty minutes, video or phone. You won't be asked to decide on the call.
Not ready for a call? Start the free course, it does the first half of this on your own, and it's the same wheel I'd start with in a session.
If things are heavier than coaching right now, please talk to somebody. In Australia, Lifeline is 13 11 14. In the US, call or text 988.