Articles
Start with whatever is happening right now
No fluff. No sugarcoating.
Psychology-backed writing on avoidance, difficult families, hypervigilance and the not-enough feeling. Pick the thing that's live for you today, not the newest one.
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If you don't know where to begin, begin here
Three pieces that explain the pattern before they ask you to do anything about it.
01 · Avoidant attachment
Why Avoidants Pull Away
Nothing happened. Nothing was said. And something still shifted, and now you're the one working out what you did.
02 · Family scapegoating
They Chose You as the Scapegoat
You said three words at the dinner table and the room went cold. This is what was actually happening the night it started.
03 · Where the wiring came from
How You Were Programmed to Fear Love
The four styles, where each one gets learned, and why knowing which one is yours doesn't change it on its own.
Does naming your feelings actually calm you down?
Probably not, and the research behind that claim is thinner than you’ve been told. Here’s what the famous brain study actually did.
You Chased Because Somebody Had To
It's eleven at night and you're in the hallway outside the bathroom door with the whole speech ready. He's on the other side of it, working out that saying nothing is the safest thing he can do.
The Hug You Can't Wait to End
You're hugging someone you love and you're counting down to when you can let go. You've never said that out loud to anyone. Here's where it actually starts.
You Told the Truth and Somehow You Became the Problem
You raised one thing at the Tuesday meeting. A fortnight later you’re the one everybody’s careful around, and nobody’s mentioned the invoice since.
You Didn’t Do Anything. So Why Do You Feel Faulty?
You’ve got a gut feeling you’re faulty somehow, and no idea what you did to deserve it. That’s because you didn’t do anything.
You Did a Bad Thing. You Are Not One.
You forget a friend’s birthday and feel that sinking drop. One version of that feeling you fix and move on from. The other moves in and stays for years. Here’s how to tell which is which.
7 Avoidant Behaviours in Online Dating (And How to Respond Without Losing Yourself)
All over you at midnight, then gone for three days. You blamed yourself. It might not be you at all, it might be avoidant attachment doing its usual disappearing act.
You're Still Running the Alarm From Your Childhood
You apologise to a chair you walked into. That's not politeness. That's a job you were handed a long time before you had any say in it.
Avoidant People Aren't Cold. They Keep Switching Off
Sunday night you're tangled up on the couch, easy and good. Monday, the good morning text doesn't come until 11am. Nothing happened. Something still shifted.
Am I Overreacting? Ask This Before No Contact
You've rewritten the same text ten times and shown it to three different friends. That loop isn't indecision. It's you trying to stay out of trouble.
Why You Still Feel Like You're About to Get in Trouble (Hypervigilance)
You could say the same thing on two different days and get two totally different outcomes. That wasn't your mood. That was the scoreboard.
When Telling The Truth Becomes Your Punishment
You always thought the law would back you if you told the truth. Then you tried, and watched it protect the calmest person in the room instead.
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