Free · Under ten minutes, less if you skip one
You're wide open with one person and shut down with another. Same you, same week.
The Attachment Map asks you the same nine statements about four different people, so you can see where your guard actually goes up.
For anyone who's read about attachment styles and been handed one word that didn't quite fit.
No email needed to start. It opens over this page.
It doesn't label you. It tells you what you do, and who you do it with.
You've probably done a quiz like this before. You got handed a word, and it didn't really help, because a single word doesn't explain why you're totally open with one person and shut down with another.
The way you are with a partner isn't always the way you are with the friend you'd ring first at 11pm. Neither one has to match how it went with the adults who raised you.
Four relationships next to each other tells you something one word can't.
What happens when you tap
- 01Pick who you're mappingTwo adults from when you were growing up, a partner, and the person you'd call your closest friend. Any of the four can be skipped.
- 02Answer the same nine statements about each onePlain statements about how that particular relationship goes. You agree, or you don't.
- 03Each one comes out as a wordSecure, anxious, avoidant, or fearful-avoidant. The same four words for all four relationships, which is what lets you put them side by side.
- 04You get the map, and the writingThe words laid out on one screen so you can screenshot it, plus a written piece on each relationship you filled in.
Under ten minutes start to finish, less if you skip one. An email address is asked for near the end, and giving it puts you on my email list. You can leave the list whenever you like.
What this isn't, and why that's fine
It's nine statements you answer about yourself, once per relationship. That's the whole of it. Nothing is being measured against anyone else.
- It isn't a clinical instrument and it isn't a test. Nobody is scoring you.
- A word describes a relationship, never a person. A relationship came out avoidant. You didn't.
- It doesn't tell you what the differences between your relationships will lead to.
- Seeing something clearly isn't the same as changing it. This is a place to start looking, and that's all it's asking to be.
Questions people ask
What if I get four different words?
Then you've got four relationships that work differently, which is the usual result rather than a sign you answered it wrong. The differences between them are the part worth reading.
Can I skip a relationship?
Yes, any of the four. Plenty of people skip one of the adults, or the partner. You get a map of whatever you did fill in.
What if I'm not with anyone right now?
Skip the partner. The other three still make a map.
Do I have to give my email?
Not to start. You're asked near the end, and giving it puts you on my email list. You can leave whenever you like.
How accurate is it?
It reflects what you said about each relationship today. Answer the same nine statements about the same person in a year and it might come out differently. That's the nature of nine self-written statements, not a flaw to work around.
Four relationships. Four words. One screen.
Answer what you want to answer, skip the rest, and read them together at the end.
Free. Under ten minutes. Nothing to download.
If anything here brings up more than you expected, these people are there for it:
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