The Ninety Seconds Kit
Tools for the moment it gets too much
“Calm down” names the destination and skips the how. This Kit is the how.
$17 AUD. That’s the total price. Download straight after you buy. PDFs, pocket cards and phone wallpapers.
Faulty file? I’ll replace it or refund you. Full details on the Refunds page.
Ninety seconds is how long you hold off before you add to it.
From the Kit, read this first
Decided now, while nothing is wrong, because the version of you who is upset isn’t in a position to be making it.
From the Kit, your rule
Stopping isn’t failing. It means you’ve found a tool that isn’t right for you today, and that’s useful to know.
From the Kit, the stop rule
The late answer
You’re halfway through a sentence you’ve said a hundred times, and your mind goes blank. Or someone makes one flat comment about the dishes and you’re across the room before you decided to move. Afterwards, the good answer turns up. It always does. It just turns up late.
Reacting isn’t deciding. And which way you go, loud or quiet, isn’t a personality trait and it isn’t a choice you’re making.
The ninety seconds buys you a gap. The Kit is what goes in it.
What this Kit does
Ninety seconds isn’t how long the feeling lasts. I couldn’t find a study behind that figure, and it’s easy to use it to feel bad about still being upset at minute three. It’s how long you hold off before you add to it: before you send the message, say the thing, or go silent for three days.
You answer one question to find your lane, loud or quiet. You run your lane’s three steps once while you’re calm, so it’s loaded before you need it. You pick one rule: one cue, one action. Everything after that is a library, and you only need it if your lane isn’t enough.
Quick Return and the Map.
Two pages saved as phone wallpapers, in a version for Australia, the US and the UK, so they’re already on your phone when you need them.
What’s inside
1. Read this first. What the ninety seconds is, and what it isn’t.
2. Quick Return. One page for when it’s too much right now.
3. Which way do you go? One question, about a minute, to find your lane.
4. The loud lane and the quiet lane. Three steps each, about ninety seconds.
5. Your rule. One cue and one action, written down while you’re calm.
6. When it doesn’t pass. What to do when it’s still there.
7. The Map. Eight more tools, matched to what your body is doing.
8. If you have Old Habits. A starting tool for each pattern in the book.
9. Pocket cards and library cards. To print and cut out.
10. After the fact: debrief and log. For when you’re calm, never in the moment.
Plus a Support page for Australia, the United States and the United Kingdom, and a page of sources. Every tool is tagged Strong, Some, Widely used or Comfort, depending on how much research I found.
Look inside
Pocket cards to print and cut out. Tap to enlarge.
Quick Return as a phone wallpaper (Australian version). Tap to enlarge.
The Map as a phone wallpaper (Australian version). Tap to enlarge.
Which way do you go? Find your lane in a minute. Tap to enlarge.
Who it’s for
Everyday reactivity: the moment your mother sends the text, the moment your partner uses that tone, the moment you’re about to say the thing or go quiet for a week.
Who it isn’t for
It isn’t for panic attacks, flashbacks, or the feeling of leaving your own body. There’s no good evidence it helps in those states, and some reason to think it doesn’t. If a trigger regularly takes you hours or days to come down from, or you’re not coming down at all, that’s a job for a person, not a PDF.
If you’re thinking about harming yourself, or you’re not safe, call Lifeline on 13 11 14 in Australia. In an emergency, call 000. The Quick Return page and the Support page list the lines for the United States and the United Kingdom too.
It isn’t a way to stop feeling things. It isn’t therapy, and it isn’t treatment for anything. It isn’t a test you can fail.
Who it isn’t for
It isn’t for panic attacks, flashbacks, or the feeling of leaving your own body. There’s no good evidence it helps in those states, and some reason to think it doesn’t. If a trigger regularly takes you hours or days to come down from, or you’re not coming down at all, that’s a job for a person, not a PDF.
If you’re thinking about harming yourself, or you’re not safe, call Lifeline on 13 11 14 in Australia. In an emergency, call 000. The Quick Return page and the Support page list the lines for the United States and the United Kingdom too.
It isn’t a way to stop feeling things. It isn’t therapy, and it isn’t treatment for anything. It isn’t a test you can fail.
Who wrote it
I’m Nardia Barrett, an Australian life coach. I coach people one to one on the patterns that show up in their relationships, and I make videos about them. I’m a coach, not a psychologist, therapist, counsellor or clinician. I don’t diagnose or treat anything.
What you get
One zip file with:
The Kit as a phone-sized PDF (75 pages), for reading on your phone.
The Kit as an A5 PDF (61 pages), for printing, with pocket cards to cut out.
Two phone wallpapers, the Map and Quick Return, each in a version for Australia, the US and the UK.
Save the files to your device when you download. The link expires 24 hours after you first click it. If yours does, email hello@heyitsnardia.com and I’ll send a new one.
It’s also a free bonus with Old Habits, so if you have that, you already have this.
$17 AUD. That’s the total price.
The Ninety Seconds Kit
“Calm down” is the standard advice. It names the destination and skips the how. This Kit is the how.
What the ninety seconds is
Ninety seconds isn’t how long a feeling lasts. It’s how long you hold off before you add to it, so you don’t send the message, say the thing, or go silent for three days.
How it works
Answer one question to find your lane: loud or quiet.
Run your lane’s three steps once while you’re calm, so it’s ready before you need it.
Pick one rule: one cue, one action.
Use the library of other tools if your lane isn’t enough.
What’s inside
The loud lane and the quiet lane, three steps each, about ninety seconds
Your rule: one if-then sentence, decided while nothing is wrong
What to do when it doesn’t pass
The Map, which points you to a tool by what your body is doing
Eight tools, each with a stop rule and an evidence tag, plus where each one comes from
A starting tool for each of the eighteen patterns in Old Habits
Fourteen pocket cards to print and cut out, a debrief page and a log
A Support page for Australia, the United States and the United Kingdom
Phone wallpapers of the Map and the Quick Return page, for Australia, the US and the UK
Straight about the evidence
Every tool carries a tag: Strong, Some, Widely used or Comfort. Several are widely used coping skills with little direct research behind them, and the Kit says so. It also lists what I left out and why.
Who it’s for
It’s made for everyday reactivity: the text from your mother, the tone from your partner, the moment you’re about to say the thing or go quiet for a week.
Who it isn’t for
It isn’t for panic attacks, flashbacks, or the feeling of leaving your own body. It isn’t therapy, it isn’t treatment for anything, and it isn’t a way to stop feeling things. I’m a coach, not a psychologist, therapist, counsellor or clinician.
What you get
The Ninety Seconds Kit as a phone PDF (75 pages) and an A5 PDF (61 pages) for print or tablet
Six phone wallpapers: the Map and the Quick Return page, each for Australia, the US and the UK
Digital download only. Your download link arrives by email straight after you pay. Prices are in Australian dollars. It’s also included free with Old Habits.
Questions and answers
Do I need Old Habits to use the Kit?
No. The Kit works on its own. If you do have Old Habits, the Kit has a page matching a starting tool to each of the eighteen patterns.
I’m buying Old Habits. Do I need to buy this too?
No. It’s included free with Old Habits.
Will this stop me feeling things?
No, and it isn’t meant to. It’s what you do in the meantime, so you don’t add to the moment.
Is it therapy?
No. It’s a set of widely used coping tools, and none of them is guaranteed to work for you. If a trigger regularly takes you hours or days to come down from, that’s a job for a person. The Support page lists where to start.
Will you update it?
This is version 1, October 2026. If I add to the Kit, I’ll email everyone with access.
What if there’s a problem with my files?
Email hello@heyitsnardia.com and I’ll fix it. For a major problem you can choose a replacement or a refund. If you buy it twice by mistake, tell me within 7 days and I’ll refund the duplicate. If you simply change your mind, I can’t offer a refund. The Refunds page has the full policy.
The Ninety Seconds Kit
“Calm down” is the standard advice. It names the destination and skips the how. This Kit is the how.
What the ninety seconds is
Ninety seconds isn’t how long a feeling lasts. It’s how long you hold off before you add to it, so you don’t send the message, say the thing, or go silent for three days.
How it works
Answer one question to find your lane: loud or quiet.
Run your lane’s three steps once while you’re calm, so it’s ready before you need it.
Pick one rule: one cue, one action.
Use the library of other tools if your lane isn’t enough.
What’s inside
The loud lane and the quiet lane, three steps each, about ninety seconds
Your rule: one if-then sentence, decided while nothing is wrong
What to do when it doesn’t pass
The Map, which points you to a tool by what your body is doing
Eight tools, each with a stop rule and an evidence tag, plus where each one comes from
A starting tool for each of the eighteen patterns in Old Habits
Fourteen pocket cards to print and cut out, a debrief page and a log
A Support page for Australia, the United States and the United Kingdom
Phone wallpapers of the Map and the Quick Return page, for Australia, the US and the UK
Straight about the evidence
Every tool carries a tag: Strong, Some, Widely used or Comfort. Several are widely used coping skills with little direct research behind them, and the Kit says so. It also lists what I left out and why.
Who it’s for
It’s made for everyday reactivity: the text from your mother, the tone from your partner, the moment you’re about to say the thing or go quiet for a week.
Who it isn’t for
It isn’t for panic attacks, flashbacks, or the feeling of leaving your own body. It isn’t therapy, it isn’t treatment for anything, and it isn’t a way to stop feeling things. I’m a coach, not a psychologist, therapist, counsellor or clinician.
What you get
The Ninety Seconds Kit as a phone PDF (75 pages) and an A5 PDF (61 pages) for print or tablet
Six phone wallpapers: the Map and the Quick Return page, each for Australia, the US and the UK
Digital download only. Your download link arrives by email straight after you pay. Prices are in Australian dollars. It’s also included free with Old Habits.
Questions and answers
Do I need Old Habits to use the Kit?
No. The Kit works on its own. If you do have Old Habits, the Kit has a page matching a starting tool to each of the eighteen patterns.
I’m buying Old Habits. Do I need to buy this too?
No. It’s included free with Old Habits.
Will this stop me feeling things?
No, and it isn’t meant to. It’s what you do in the meantime, so you don’t add to the moment.
Is it therapy?
No. It’s a set of widely used coping tools, and none of them is guaranteed to work for you. If a trigger regularly takes you hours or days to come down from, that’s a job for a person. The Support page lists where to start.
Will you update it?
This is version 1, October 2026. If I add to the Kit, I’ll email everyone with access.
What if there’s a problem with my files?
Email hello@heyitsnardia.com and I’ll fix it. For a major problem you can choose a replacement or a refund. If you buy it twice by mistake, tell me within 7 days and I’ll refund the duplicate. If you simply change your mind, I can’t offer a refund. The Refunds page has the full policy.
Faulty file? I’ll replace it or refund you. Full details on the Refunds page.
Questions
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No, and the Kit says so. I couldn’t find a study behind that figure. Ninety seconds is how long you hold off before you add to it: before you send the message, say the thing, or go silent for days. Your body comes down at its own pace.
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No. It isn’t a way to stop feeling things, and there’s no version where you do it right and the feeling disappears on schedule. It’s what you do in the meantime.
-
Every tool has a stop rule. If a tool makes things louder, stop. Stopping isn’t failing. It means that tool isn’t right for you today, and that’s useful to know.
-
No to both. It’s for everyday reactivity. I’m a coach, not a therapist, and it isn’t treatment for anything. If a trigger regularly takes you hours or days to come down from, that’s a job for a person, and the Support page says where to start.
-
Every tool is tagged Strong, Some, Widely used or Comfort, depending on how much research I found. The tags are my reading of the research, not a clinical verdict, and the sources are at the back so you can check them yourself.
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No. It’s included free with Old Habits. The Kit also has a page matching its tools to the patterns in that book.
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They’re the Map and the Quick Return page as image files, one for Australia, one for the US and one for the UK. Set the one for your country as your lock screen so it’s already on your phone when you need it. The A5 PDF is for printing, and the pocket cards are made to cut out.
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You get a download link straight after you pay. Save the files to your device. If the link has expired, email hello@heyitsnardia.com and I’ll send a new one.
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Email hello@heyitsnardia.com. A fault is covered, with no deadline. For a major fault, you choose a replacement or a refund. If you buy it twice by mistake, tell me within 7 days and I’ll refund the second one. Changing your mind isn’t a fault, so that isn’t refunded. Full terms are on the Refunds page.
Going blank doesn’t mean you’re bad at this.
Next time you’ve got four seconds, your lane and one rule already written down. That’s enough.
$17 AUD in total. PDFs, pocket cards and phone wallpapers. Faulty file? I’ll replace it or refund you.
