Old Habits
A plain guide to shadow work and eighteen everyday habits
You said you were fine. You meant it about as much as you mean “we should catch up soon.”
$27 AUD. That’s the total price. Download straight after you buy. Phone PDF, A5 PDF and a free bonus, The Ninety Seconds Kit.
Faulty file? I’ll replace it or refund you. Full details on the Refunds page.
You’re not broken, so there’s nothing to fix. Your patterns formed for reasons, and most of them were useful at the time.
From the book, chapter 1
I’m not going to promise this fixes, cures or transforms you. It doesn’t work to a schedule, and nobody honest can tell you when you’ll feel different.
From the book, chapter 1
Rushing gets you tidy, polite answers, and those aren’t the ones you’re after.
From the book, chapter 3
What you keep out of view
You said you were fine. You said it twice, once in the kitchen and once on the phone, and you meant it about as much as you mean “we should catch up soon.” An hour later someone asks where the good scissors are and you nearly take their head off.
Most people hear that and decide they’ve got an anger problem. You haven’t. You’ve got something you’ve kept out of sight, and it keeps getting out anyway.
That’s your shadow. It’s not a dark side, and it’s not an evil twin. It’s the part of you that you’ve learned to keep out of view.
What this book does
Shadow work is going looking for those parts, naming them, and working out what they’ve been doing for you. Because they have been doing something. The word comes from the Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung, and you don’t need to read a word of him to use this book.
You’ll narrow 18 patterns down to the 3 to 5 that fit you. You’ll get a short routine you can reuse on any of them: check how you’re doing, write specifically, review what you noticed. And you’ll have a record, in your own handwriting, of what you noticed and when.
A worked example for every pattern.
Each one is made up, to show the method, so you can see what a specific answer looks like before you write your own.
What’s inside
1. Before you start. What shadow work is and isn’t, whether the timing’s right for you, and how to use the book. (Chapters 1 to 3)
2. Find your starting point. Six families of patterns on one page, so you know where to begin. (Chapter 4)
3. Eighteen patterns. For each: what it looks like, the old rule behind it, what it gives you and what it costs, a worked example, reflection questions with room to write, and one practice. (Chapters 5.1 to 5.18)
4. How your patterns connect. Why they tend to turn up in the same week. (Chapter 6)
5. When it gets heavy. A one-page Quick Return and a pointer to the Ninety Seconds Kit. (Chapter 7)
6. Tracking what changes. A Weekly Log, a Progress Scale and a Monthly Check-In to print and fill in. (Chapter 8)
7. What next. Support services for Australia, the United States and the United Kingdom. (Chapter 9)
8. My Shadow Checklist, and where the ideas come from. Sources, and what’s borrowed and what’s mine. (The last pages)
The eighteen patterns, in six families. Overfunctioning: taking on everyone’s load, never asking for help, rest feels unearned. Shrinking: apologising for things that aren’t yours, holding the idea back, brushing off compliments. Controlling: needing a plan for everything, replaying what you said, never calling it finished. Shutting Down: “I’m fine”, saying it in the car park, going blank mid-conversation. Sabotaging: pulling back when it’s going well, stopping at week three, cancelling on the day. Reacting: going hard on yourself after a mistake, hitting back before you’ve heard them out, can’t stand it in other people.
Look inside
A worked example for every pattern. Tap to enlarge.
Find your starting point: six families, one page. Tap to enlarge.
Reflection questions with room to write. Tap to enlarge.
The Weekly Log, ready to print. Tap to enlarge.
Who it’s for
If you picked this up because shadow work is everywhere and you’re not sure what it is, you don’t need any background. If you’ve tried other journals and found them vague or basic, this one asks for specifics: what you said, what you did, who was there and what it cost you. If you’re tired of being the one who copes, the one who keeps the peace or the one who has it together, you’re not odd.
Who it isn’t for
It isn’t for use in a crisis. If you’re thinking about ending your life or hurting yourself, don’t start this book. Call Lifeline on 13 11 14 in Australia. In an emergency, call 000. Chapter 9 lists services for the United States and the United Kingdom too.
It’s also worth waiting, or getting support first, if you’re not safe at home or in a relationship, something serious has happened recently, you keep reliving something, you’re getting through most days with alcohol or other drugs, or you’re barely sleeping or eating. Chapter 2 says more. If you’re already seeing a psychologist, counsellor or psychiatrist, that doesn’t rule you out. Tell them you’re using the book and ask whether the timing’s right.
It isn’t therapy. It doesn’t diagnose or treat anything, and it doesn’t promise a cure or any particular result.
Who it isn’t for
It isn’t for use in a crisis. If you’re thinking about ending your life or hurting yourself, don’t start this book. Call Lifeline on 13 11 14 in Australia. In an emergency, call 000. Chapter 9 lists services for the United States and the United Kingdom too.
It’s also worth waiting, or getting support first, if you’re not safe at home or in a relationship, something serious has happened recently, you keep reliving something, you’re getting through most days with alcohol or other drugs, or you’re barely sleeping or eating. Chapter 2 says more. If you’re already seeing a psychologist, counsellor or psychiatrist, that doesn’t rule you out. Tell them you’re using the book and ask whether the timing’s right.
It isn’t therapy. It doesn’t diagnose or treat anything, and it doesn’t promise a cure or any particular result.
Who wrote it
I’m Nardia Barrett. I’m an Integrative Life Coach & Strategist in Australia, and I make psychology videos on YouTube as Hey It’s Nardia. My coaching certifications are in life coaching, neuroscience, positive psychology, trauma healing and inner child work. I’m a coach, not a psychologist, therapist, counsellor or clinician. I don’t diagnose or treat anything, and this book isn’t therapy.
I wrote it because I’m tired of watching good people blame themselves for habits that were never the real problem.
What you get
One zip file with:
Old Habits as a phone-sized PDF (229 pages), for reading on your phone.
Old Habits as an A5 PDF (182 pages), for print or tablet, with the log and check-in pages ready to print.
A free bonus, The Ninety Seconds Kit, which sells for $17 on its own: phone and A5 PDFs, plus phone wallpapers for Australia, the US and the UK.
It’s a digital download only. There’s no printed copy. Save the files to your device when you download. The link expires 24 hours after you first click it. If yours does, email hello@heyitsnardia.com and I’ll send a new one.
$27 AUD. That’s the total price.
Old Habits
You have habits that cost you more than they give you, and you already know a few of them. This book names eighteen, shows the old rule underneath each one, and gives you a practice to try.
What shadow work means here
Shadow work often gets sold as dark and mystical. Here it means something plainer: noticing a habit you’d rather not look at, finding the rule it’s following, and testing one different move. The book keeps the word shadow and leaves out the woo.
What’s inside
Eighteen patterns in six families: Overfunctioning, Shrinking, Controlling, Shutting Down, Sabotaging and Reacting
A short page to help you find your starting point
For every pattern: what it looks like, the old rule behind it, what it gives you and what it costs, a worked example, reflection questions with room to write, and one practice
A chapter on how your patterns connect
Pages you can print and fill in: a Weekly Log, a Progress Scale and a Monthly Check-In
A one-page Quick Return for when it gets too much
Support pages for Australia, the United States and the United Kingdom
Sources, so you can check what the book is built on
The eighteen patterns
Overfunctioning: Taking on everyone’s load. Never asking for help. Rest feels unearned.
Shrinking: Apologising for things that aren’t yours. Holding the idea back. Brushing off compliments.
Controlling: Needing a plan for everything. Replaying what you said. Never calling it finished.
Shutting Down: “I’m fine”. Saying it in the car park. Going blank mid-conversation.
Sabotaging: Pulling back when it’s going well. Stopping at week three. Cancelling on the day.
Reacting: Going hard on yourself after a mistake. Hitting back before you’ve heard them out. Can’t stand it in other people.
Included free: The Ninety Seconds Kit
Old Habits comes with The Ninety Seconds Kit, which sells for A$17 on its own. It holds the in-the-moment tools: a loud lane and a quiet lane, eight short tools, printable pocket cards and phone wallpapers. The book tells you which tool to start with for each pattern.
Who it’s for
It’s for you if you’d rather understand your habits than explain them away. Read it in order, or start with the pattern that makes you wince.
What it isn’t
Old Habits is a self-guided book, not therapy, and it doesn’t promise any particular result. I’m a life coach. I’m not a psychologist, therapist or counsellor, and I don’t diagnose or treat anything. It isn’t for use in a crisis. If you’re thinking about harming yourself, or you’re not safe, the support pages list where to go in Australia, the United States and the United Kingdom.
What you get
Old Habits as a phone PDF (229 pages), set up for reading on your phone
Old Habits as an A5 PDF (182 pages), for print or tablet, with the log and check-in pages ready to print
The Ninety Seconds Kit: phone and A5 PDFs, plus phone wallpapers for Australia, the US and the UK
Digital download only. There’s no printed copy. Your download link arrives by email straight after you pay. Prices are in Australian dollars.
About the author
I’m Nardia Barrett, an Australian life coach with certifications in life coaching, neuroscience, positive psychology, trauma healing and inner child work. I write plain, practical guides about the patterns people repeat.
Questions and answers
Is this therapy?
No. It’s a self-guided book. I’m a coach, not a psychologist, therapist or counsellor, and it isn’t a substitute for professional help. If something in it brings up more than you can handle, put it down and use the support pages.
Do I need to know anything about shadow work?
No. Chapter 1 explains what it means here and what it doesn’t.
Which file should I use?
Use the phone PDF to read on your phone. Use the A5 PDF if you want to print the pages or read on a tablet.
Can I print it?
Yes, for your own use. The Weekly Log, Progress Scale and Monthly Check-In are made to be printed and written on.
Will it work for me?
I can’t promise a particular result. The book gives you a way to notice a habit and test a different move, and it’s clear about what it can’t do.
What if I’m in crisis?
Old Habits isn’t for use in a crisis. The support pages list emergency and crisis numbers for Australia, the US and the UK. In an emergency, call your local emergency number.
What if there’s a problem with my files?
Email hello@heyitsnardia.com and I’ll fix it. For a major problem you can choose a replacement or a refund. If you buy it twice by mistake, tell me within 7 days and I’ll refund the duplicate. If you simply change your mind, I can’t offer a refund. The Refunds page has the full policy.
Faulty file? I’ll replace it or refund you. Full details on the Refunds page.
Questions
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No. It’s a self-guided book. I’m a coach, not a psychologist, therapist or counsellor, and it isn’t a substitute for professional help. If something in it brings up more than you can handle, put it down and use the support pages.
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No. Chapter 1 explains what it means here and what it doesn’t. The word comes from Carl Jung, and you don’t need to read a word of him.
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I can’t promise a particular result. The book gives you a way to notice a habit and test a different move, and it’s clear about what it can’t do. It doesn’t promise a cure, and it doesn’t run to a schedule.
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No. You’ll probably find that 3 to 5 patterns fit you and the rest read like someone else’s life, and you only work through the chapters that fit. There’s no deadline. A reasonable starting rhythm is two or three sessions a week, one pattern at a time.
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Chapter 2 lists when to wait or get support first. If you’re thinking about ending your life or hurting yourself, don’t start the book, and call Lifeline on 13 11 14 in Australia. If you’re not sure, talk to your GP or a professional before you start. Checking first doesn’t commit you to anything.
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It’s a free bonus. It holds the in-the-moment tools: a loud lane and a quiet lane, eight short tools, printable pocket cards and phone wallpapers. It sells for $17 on its own. The book points you to it when things get heavy, and tells you which tool to start with for each pattern.
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Use the phone PDF to read on your phone. Use the A5 PDF if you want to print the pages or read on a tablet. You can print it for your own use. The Weekly Log, Progress Scale and Monthly Check-In are made to be printed and written on.
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You get a download link straight after you pay. Save the files to your device. If the link has expired, email hello@heyitsnardia.com and I’ll send a new one.
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Email hello@heyitsnardia.com. A fault is covered, with no deadline. For a major fault, you choose a replacement or a refund. If you buy it twice by mistake, tell me within 7 days and I’ll refund the second one. Changing your mind isn’t a fault, so that isn’t refunded. Full terms are on the Refunds page.
Good people blame themselves for habits that were never the real problem.
You can spot it, name it, and ask what it’s been doing for you. Start with the pattern that makes you wince.
$27 AUD in total. Phone PDF, A5 PDF and a free bonus, The Ninety Seconds Kit. Faulty file? I’ll replace it or refund you.
